


A Step Forward

by PastaBagel



Series: A Different World [3]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26314399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastaBagel/pseuds/PastaBagel
Summary: Questions are answered and relationships start the long road to recovery. This is the final, main part of the 'A Different World', so please go read the other parts before this one!
Relationships: Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu, Kaji Ryouji/Katsuragi Misato
Series: A Different World [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870051
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	A Step Forward

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this took so long! I just started college and writer's block is a bitch. This is gonna be the last part of this series for a little while, I'll write some other things for it once in a while but I have other ideas that I want to write so I want to put my attention to those stories.   
> Plus I got kinda burnt out with this part of the story as I struggled with what I wanted to do with it so there's just a shit ton of talking. So I just need some time away from it, I also didn't proofread this as I just wanted to go ahead and get it out so I'll probably edit it later at one point.
> 
> I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or it's characters.

Misato slowly opened her eyes; the ceiling was a pale white color and sunlight bathed the room in a warm glow, she moved her head to look at her surroundings the window to her left as it showed the snow-capped that had greeted them in their arrival to NERV which some of its buildings scattered across the small landscape. Then she moved her head to the right where she was welcomed with Rei sitting in a plastic chair in the middle of the two hospital beds, she was reading a book, Misato looked past the blue-haired girl and saw Kaji sitting up with a cigarette in his mouth, his arm was bandaged up in a cast, and he was looking directly at her.

Misato coughed slightly as she breathed out, which made Rei turn her head towards her with a warm smile, but Misato couldn’t help but whimper audibly as flashes of dissolved body parts in LCL and of her looking down at her as she lay dying in a bloody heap. 

Rei closed her book and asked quietly, “Is my presence making you uncomfortable?”

“I think she just needs time…” mumbled Kaji, forcing out a smile.

“I see, I’ll get the doctor” Rei quickly left the room and closed the door behind her.

Misato threw her plain white blanket off of her body; they had changed her clothes into a hospital gown which only made her skin crawl, and tugged Kaji into a sobbing hug as she let her emotions out again, not caring that everything in her soul cried out in despair and ached in dull pain.

“It’s okay, Misato. I’m here..” whispered Kaji, petting Misato’s purple hair.

“Do you?”

“Yes”

“You idiot..” Misato lightly hit Kaji on the chest “I could’ve helped you…”

“I know…” responded Kaji, his own tears spilling out of his tired eyes.

“Don’t leave me…”

“I won’t, never again.”

They stayed like that, hugging each other, keeping the feelings of hopelessness and resurfaced memories at bay. A quiet knock sounded, and the turning of a doorknob were the only things that announced the presence of Dr. Kaworu Nagsia with a clipboard in hand, he gave the couple a knowing smile and waited for them to wipe away their tears, Misato pulled away from Kaji and sat back down on her bed.

Kaworu walked over to the back corner and grabbed a chair, rolling it towards his patients, taking a seat in the middle of the two beds. He tapped his pen down on the clipboard getting it ready for its documental duties and with a comforting smile he spoke, 

“How are you two feeling today?”

“...like everything is different,” muttered Kaji.

“Like nothing makes sense..” added Misato.

“Those are understandable feelings to have at the moment,” agreed Kaworu. “Are you feeling any physical reactions?”

“Physical reactions?” asked the couple.

“Yes, any headaches? Body Aches? Do you feel fatigued?” wondered Kaworu.

“I mean, yeah. I got shot and with everything else…” answered Kaji.

Kaworu hummed in understanding and wrote on his clipboard. Misato watched him with a confused look, she didn’t understand what was going on. Where was Shinji? Why wasn’t he here answering their questions?.

“Are you wondering where Commander Ikari is?” asked Kaworu, giving Misato a knowing smile. Misato felt a chill go down her spine, he was just as creepy as she remembered.

“Yes...I was just…” stuttered Misato.

“It’s alright, you’ll see him soon. Now, do you have any questions for me?” questioned Kaworu.

The two didn’t say anything at first until Kaji decided to speak up, “Will the memories stop?”

“Do you mean stop resurfacing?” wondered Kawrou.

“Yeah..”

Kawrou took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, “Yes and no, from what we have discovered there are different levels, if you will, that you may or may not go through.”

“And what levels are those?” interjected Misato.

“Well, there’s the first level which is just basic details, you might remember important events but it’s so jumbled that it’s hard to make sense of it and the feelings of familiarity start to become more apparent. Then, there’s the second level, you are able to remember important events, but only generally, like Asuka, for example, she remembers important events, people, and some of deeper feelings that she may have felt in her past life but things are still fairly fuzzy. If you do remember more, then you’ll more than likely stay at the second level and won’t advance any further”

“So..there’s more levels?” questioned Kaji. 

“Yes...the third and final level. That is where you remember every single detail of your past lives, nothing is spared from your memory as you will feel, smell, and see every gory detail in its fullest. Sometimes, the world blends together and you might start to hallucinate things that aren’t there but it feels so incredibly real to you that it hurts. As far as we know, only two people have gotten to this level.”

“Who were they?” said Misato.

“Me and Commander Ikari” answered Kaworu.

“How do you deal with it?” asked Misato “It’s confusing enough as it is at our..basic level”

Kaworu smiled and simply said “We had each other”

“Will it get easier?” asked Kaji.

“It will, you must give it time. Things are going to be strange and confusing for a while, but I think you’ll be able to get through it” 

“You said past lives earlier, what does that mean?” asked Misato.

“It means that this isn’t the first time that the world has reset itself,” said Kawrou.

“What?” said Misato, confused.

“The world as we know it has been in a time loop of sorts just with different scenarios and different endings. Although most ended with Third Impact in one way or another,” explained Kawrou.

Kaji and Misato just gave the white-haired man confused looks, as he seemed unfazed by such a startling revelation. 

“How long has that been going on?” muttered Misato standing up from her sitting position. 

“I’m afraid that you’ll have to let your mind fill in those blanks, I want to answer as many questions as possible but it’s up to you to figure it out at your own pace so you don’t overload with information” smiled Kaworu.

Misato sat back down in a huff when she did so the hospital room door flung itself open to reveal a very stern and tired looking Shinji. There was a man wearing a suit standing behind him, he looked awfully like Makoto, who was that again? Misato was getting annoyed with questioning her thoughts, she wishes she could just hurry up and figure it out already.

“How are they?” asked Shinji as he walked in the room along with the man.

“They seem to be doing better, confused but fine” answered Kawrou getting up from his chair

“Normal confused?” 

“In the current situation, yes”

“I see…” Shinji glanced at them out of the corner of his eye, it wasn’t a pleasant look but it was definitely a worn one.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” said Kawrou as he walked past Shinji, giving him a small pat on the back as he walked out.

Once the door closed, Shinji turned his body to look at the two patients with hands behind his back much like his father. 

“Are you 1LT Misato Katsuragi?” asked Shinji.

“Y-Yes, sir,” mumbled Mistao. 

“And are you 1LT Ryoji Kaji?” 

“Yes, sir” answered Kaji.

“Good, I know things are strange and confusing at the current moment but I need you to understand what I’m about to say, do you understand?” started Shinji.

“Yes, sir!”

“Following the events of last night, you are to be presented before the Board of Generals, as both of you have been charged with working with the enemy, intentions of treason and whistleblowing. Usually, these accusations would be punishable by life sentences, but I was able to pull some strings and give you a trial so you can speak on your part of what happened. I have my lawyer here to help you with questions and the legal process. You have five days to make a case for yourself, I can’t do anything to help you with the case as it will be seen as government interference.” explained Shinji.

The two patients said nothing as Shinji listed off the crimes that they had committed, they just looked at him blankly.

“Do you understand that?” asked Shinji, his tone softening.

“Yeah…” whispered Kaji, not looking at the men in front of him.

The man gave Shinji a concerned glance and Shinji took a deep breath, “Do you have that file I asked for?”

“I do, sir” replied the man as he handed Shinji a orange colored flat, yet slightly bumpy, file.

“Could you leave us alone for a moment?” asked Shinji.

“Yes sir” said the man as he bowed and left the room.

The three people rested in a tense silence as no one really knew what to say to each other, Shinji lightly set the file on the foot of Mistao’s bed and his worn out features softened as he looked at them.

“What happened?” whispered Mistao. “What world is this?”

“Did Kaworu tell you about the time loop?” asked Shinji quietly.

“He mentioned it” said Kaji dryly.

“This world...is the beginning yet it is also the end. It is a world after the Third Impact but it is a world where things like that never happened, it is the world that Instrumentally didn’t exactly intend for or at least the one it didn’t expect to happen” explained Shinji, looking outside the window as if he saw something or something that he knew.

“What was Third Impact?” asked Mistao.

“...I don’t want to answer that” whispered Shinji.

“Why?” glared Kaji.

Shinji stayed silent, pulled out a cigarette with a lighty shaking hands and lit it. 

“What happened to my brother?” asked Kaji.

“The file explains it” answered Shinji.

“I want to hear it from you”

“No”

“That’s bullshit”

Shinji smiled, “That may be so, Kaji. But I’m not the right person to explain these things to you and I never will be. Things are different now, I’m different now and so are you. You must find your own answers”

Kaji just turned his head away in frustration, Shinji put his hands in his pockets and made his way to the hospital door.

“How’s your arm?” questioned Mistao.

Shinji stopped in his tracks, turned his head and smiled weakly at her.

“I’ve had worse” muttered Shinji as he left the room leaving the couple alone once more.

Mistao picked up the orange file that had been left behind and opened it, a tape recorder that was taped to multiple sheets of paper, the silver cross that once belonged to her, and a NERV ID card fell out of it. She picked up her old cross and let it hang loosely from her hands, wondering if it held the answers she was looking for, then she picked up the ID card and stared at the details, it was Shinji's card, is this what he meant by finding the answers?

“What do those papers say?” asked Kaji, looking over at the contents of the file.

“I think it’s about your brother, Kaji” answered Mistao.

“Hmm, so he’s taking the easy way out”

“Don’t you want to read it?”

“I want him to tell me in person, like he should be doing right now”

“...Shinji really has changed…”

“Yeah...I think we all have…”

.

.

Shinji pressed his forehead against the closed hospital door, taking deep breaths and letting his cigarette burn out in his hand. He heard light footsteps in the distance and turned his head when they stopped behind him.

“Hey, Asuka…” he whispered.

Asuka handed him a cold water bottle, which Shinji happily took from her.

“So how are they?” asked Asuka.

“Confused, scared, and frustrated” said Shinji.

“So pretty normal?”

“I suppose”

“Do you think they’ll remember more?”

“It’s too early to tell, plus it’s up to them if that is the path they want to take”

“Shinji, you know as well as I do, they’ll take that path as soon as possible”

“I know…”

Asuka leaned up against the hospital door, facing forwards, Shinji followed her lead and leaned beside her.

“Are you okay?” questioned Asuka.

“I’ll live”

“Did you tell them?”

“No”

“You’re such an idiot” 

“I know”

“It’s a wonder this place even functions with such an idiot at the helm”

“That it is…”

“I missed them..”

.

.

“So did I…”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An underpaid intern ran down the long, sprailling hallways of the UN building that resided in the bustling city of NYC. The intern ran faster and faster, usually they would take their sweet time when it came to getting coffee for the boss or printing out another 500 papers for the day but this was important, far more important than coffee and never-ending papers to print.

The door burst open and a woman gave the intern a look for wonderment, but not of disapproval.

“Ma’am! I have something you need to see!” exclaimed the intern.

“Oh? Well, let’s see it then!” smiled the woman pushing up her glasses.

The intern handed her the important document and explained “These reports came in from the NERV branch in Japan, the Board is scheduled to have a trial to determine what to do with them but from what I know, they haven’t cleared it with our office, ma’am”

“Now that won’t do at all, I want you to cancel all appointments for the next couple of days and get the soonest flight to Japan” said the woman.

“Yes, ma’am! Should I call Commander Ikari and let him know of our date of arrival?”

“Hmm, no. I want it to be a surprise plus knowing how the board is they’ll try to delay my arrival so it be in our best interest to stay quiet”

“Understood!” The intern quickly ran out and started making phone calls.

“I can’t wait to see you again, Children of Adam” smiled the woman.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, that’s all for today!” cheered the lawyer, who was indeed the Makoto Hyuga of this new world. He got up from his chair and stretched out his back as much as he could without breaking it.

“How many more days do we have?” asked Mistao sitting up in her bed.

“You have two more days, I suggest you get all the rest you can. The Board could easily change their minds and move the date anytime they want so just be prepared” spoke Hyuga. 

“I thought Shin-...umm...Commander Ikari had a set date for us” wondered Misato.

“It would be out of his control, if it were up to him you wouldn’t be in this mess” responded Hyuga.

“Wait, I thought he controlled the Board? Doesn’t NERV have a huge influence in the UN?” piped up Kaji.

Hyuga laughed “Not as much as people like to believe, in the grand scheme of things NERV is pretty small compared to the rest of the UN’s branches it just happens to get more news coverage than the rest. Much to the Commander’s annoyance.”

“What about all those conspiracies that NERV was this huge shady organization that basically controlled the UN?!” questioned Kaji.

“So you’re the one who was in cahoots with Fuyutsuki, look, I don’t know what he told you or what you believed he told you but NERV isn’t some shady organization that wants to rule the world or whatever, the only thing that NERV wants to do is protect the world and that’s it” explained Hyuga.

“Is keeping a giant red cross a part of protecting the world?” asked Kaji with a smirk.

“It is, unless you want to cause Second Impact or at least complete Second Impact” Hyuga answered with his own smirk.

“So Shinji’s just holding the world hostage then? He just keeps the button for causing an Impact in his basement?” growled Kaji letting his anger take control.

Mistao just looked at Hyuga with a confused glance. There had been a Second Impact?

Hyuga’s smirk went away, “Look, I don’t know the history between you three but there’s a lot more at play here than what you think it is, okay? You should really read that file that the Commander gave you, it’ll help clear your thoughts”

“I want to hear it from him, not from some stupid piece of paper” muttered Kaji.

“Then, you’ll be waiting a long time for those answers you so desperately want,” said Hyuga.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve said too much, I’ll see you tomorrow” waved Hyuga as he left the room.

Kaji let out a desperate growl of disapproval.

_I was the Human Instrumentality Project._

Mistao felt strange, a common feeling at the moment, and whispered out loud, 

“What does that mean?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaji stood alone in one of NERV’s many archive rooms and in front of a closed door that led to another part of the room and just so happened to be locked by a keycard. If Shinji wanted to play this game of ignoring them, then he’ll just have to play along and find his own damn answers.. He got ready to swipe the card to open the locked door in front of him, the door that would answer everything, at least that’s what Kaji hoped for.

“Good evening, Kaji” said a voice behind him, it was a voice that he dreaded to hear, he turned his head to see Captain Soryu, with her arms crossed and giving him a sympathetic glare. 

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” asked the Captain.

Kaji turned his head away and didn’t meet her eyes, he didn’t want to unpack those feelings at the moment.

“He blames himself, you know” she whispered.

“...I don’t even know what he blames himself for, he won’t tell me anything. Nobody is telling us anything! I don’t understand what’s happening! We just sit in a hospital room and wait for the next meeting with some lawyer! None of you have even bothered to come see us and try to explain the past, however, many years!” yelled Kaji.

Asuka stayed silent for a moment before she opened her mouth, “You’re right, Kaji. We’ve been avoiding you.”

“Why?”

“Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you want to avoid someone who has just started to remember an old life they didn’t know they even had? Wouldn’t you want to avoid them in an effort to prevent them from remembering more? So they don’t get hurt again?” questioned Asuka.

At that moment, Kaji finally understood. It wasn’t that they wanted them to find their own answers or that they didn’t want to answer them, they were hoping that he and Misato would just give up on it.

“....But I want to remember more, I want to find those answers. The answers to my brother but also the answers to my dreams” said Kaji.

“Dreams?” asked Asuka.

“Yeah...I’ve always had them.”

“About..?”

“It was about my old life.”

“I’m sorry..”

“Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing?”

“For what?”

“For not telling you...for fucking things up….for not saying goodbye…” whispered Kaji.

“...You don’t need to apologize for that, Kaji” smiled Asuka.

“But..!” started Kaji.

“Kaji! You have _nothing_ to apologize for, okay? What happened in that life doesn’t matter anymore, it took me a long time to realize that. It took all of us a long time to realize that” said Asuka matter of factly.

“...Is that why SEELE wanted me? Because they knew about that world?” asked Kaji. “Did they even want to help me find my brother?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what SEELE knows or what they even wanted. That’s something that we’re still trying to figure out, your brother saw it as his mission to figure it out” whispered Asuka.

“SEELE killed him?”

“Yes”

“But I thought he was working for them…”

“As a double-agent”

“Did Shinji make him do it?”

“Shinji didn’t know about it until after he had died, nobody did. He would've stopped him if he had know what Hosho was up to”

“What exactly was he up to?”

“I think that’s something that you and Mistao both need to hear”

“You’re not going to dodge our questions, are you?” asked Kaji.

Asuka chuckled, “No, I’m not like idiot Shinji. I know when the fight’s over..”

Kaji gave her a confused look but decided to press her on what she meant by that, he didn’t want to lose his chance of getting the answers that he and Misato deserve.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mistao slowly opened her eyes, the moonlight from the night sky bathed the room in a soft almost blue hue and felt for the cross that stayed in her pocket, it felt almost comforting to have the object in her possession again. She adjusted her head to look at the bed beside her only to see that the man, who was supposed to be resting in it, had suddenly disappeared. Mistao shot up from the bed, panic rising in her chest, and looked around the room to see if he was just sitting somewhere else but it was just her in the room. 

She opened the door, rather aggressively, and ran out into the hallway looking around desperately for Kaji or maybe...for Shinji, her feelings about that were still muddled and her head hurt just thinking about it. Misato didn’t hear the footsteps that were approaching from behind her and was startled when a hand landed softly on her shoulder. As she turned around, her body turned cold as the worried red-eyes looked deep within her confused soul.

“Rei..” she murmured, mainly to herself.

Rei didn’t say anything but she did avert her gaze to somewhere else in the hallway, the atmosphere around them was awkward and tense. Mistao gathered her thoughts and spoke, “I’m sorry..about shooting you and basically kidnapping you”

“It’s fine, nothing that you should worry about” answered Rei.

.

.

The two women stood in the hallway, neither knew what to say of if they should make any movements.

.

.

.

“Do...you know...where Kaji is?” asked Misato.

“No, I don’t”

“Shouldn’t...you know that?”

“I suppose, but Commander Ikari doesn’t want you to feel watched so we only keep surveillance if something urgent were to happen”

“That’s...nice”

“Yes” replied Rei bluntly, Misato supposed that she would never change.

.

.

“It’s strange to see Shinji in a leadership role...especially with that title.” wondered Misato.

“He is a much kinder Commander…” Rei hesitated for a moment, “Do you remember...Gendo?”

“A little bit…” answered Misato. “Do you remember him?”

“At times I do, I don’t make an effort to remember him” answered Rei.

“I don’t blame you for that...Do you remember anything else?”

“....Yes. I remember you, and the others but I don’t remember events very well. Only the basics or what Shinji has told me”

“What was I like?!” blurted out Misato.

Rei looked surprised by the slight outburst but quickly became stoic again, “You....were many things. Stubborn, kind, a little...unusual but in a good way.”

Misato looked down at her feet and murmured “Then why do I remember hurting Shinji? I forced him into the Evas but if I was in the same position...I would've ran away as well. What kind of person does that?!”

“That is something you must discuss with the Commander,” responded Rei.

“I don’t think he wants to talk to me…”

“No, that’s not it-”

“Then what is it?! Why won’t he talk to us?! Why do I have these feelings towards him?! Doesn’t he want to see me again?! I...just...don’t...understand” screamed Misato.

Rei didn’t say anything, just pointed in the direction behind Misato. She turned her head to see Shinji standing behind them, Pen-Pen was curled up in his arms quietly purring and resting peacefully, his expression was a strange mixture of somber torment and quiet worry. 

“Rei?” said Shinji quietly.

“Yes?” questioned Rei.

“Could you…” Shinji stopped his words in their tracks. But Rei seemed to get the unknown message, walked towards Shinji and out of the hallway but gave him a sympathetic look before she left.

“I..brought Pen-Pen, I thought that you might want to see something similar. It was Kawrou’s idea.” started Shinji, his voice wrecked with worry.

Misato didn’t say anything, just shifted her feet unconformably. Pen-Pen opened his eyes, meowed loudly and jumped out of Shinji’s scarred arms, and walked up to his owner rubbing up against her legs. Misato smiled and dropped to her knee to pet the cuddly cat while Shinji stood awkwardly in front of them.

.

“I want to show you something…” whispered Shinji, his hands in his pockets again.

Misato looked up at him, his face was unreadable now but the worry was still etched into his features, she picked up Pen-Pen and followed Shinji to wherever they were heading.

.

.

Soon enough, they got to their destination as Shinji opened the door to one of few large balconies that the NERV headquarters had. Shinji walked straight to the railing and leaned against it with his back and pulled out a cigarette, it was strange to see him smoking considering all the flak he had given Kaji about it and in the rare moments that she had done it. 

“What does the moon look like to you?” asked Shinji, taking in the toxic smoke in his lungs.

Misato looked up at the night sky and observed the Moon, it’s milky witness and countless craters of ages looking right back at her. It seemed to be normal, had something happened to the Moon in the Third Impact?

“It looks like the Moon…” answered Misato, confused on where this conversation was leading to.

Shinji smiled, it looked painful, and said “To me, it looks like her. The red eyes are always looking down at me, I could never tell if it’s out of spite or love. Maybe it’s my punishment for choosing this world or the aftermath of that change..”

“Who is she?” asked Misato.

“I know her as Lilith, but you know her as Rei Ayanami”

“I don’t understand” questioned Misato.

“Nor do I want you too...but that’s not something that I can do to you anymore. I can’t keep hiding or feeling afraid”

“Afraid?”

“Yes, afraid of you”

“Of me? Why?”

“You answered that question yourself earlier,” whispered Shinji.

“Because of the things I did to you?” 

“You did nothing to me, Misato”

“I did! I forced you to pilot the Eva! Even when it caused you pain!”

“You still don’t understand…” breathed Shinji.

“Then what?! Why do I just remember the pain I caused you?! That must be why you don’t want to talk to us!”

“No, that’s not it. That’s not all that you remember.”

Misato took a deep breath and tried desperately to gather her thoughts, “Is it...my feelings for you?”

“Yes”

“You were afraid of my feelings?”

“Yes, I was.”

“Why?”

“Because you were happy, I didn’t want to interfere with that. I didn’t want you to remember me” answered Shinji.

“So you were just going to suffer in silence whenever you saw me?!” Misato words delved into a familiar tone.

“No, I wasn’t. I had moved on from you, Misato. I just didn’t want you to uncover those feelings just to suffer again, I was so happy to see you that night. I was even happier to see that you wanted to come work for NERV even with the knowledge that Kaji was getting closer to that ‘truth’ he wanted to find but I still felt frightened that you would find out about me, about the Evas and everything that had happened.”

“You knew that Kaji was with SEELE?” asked Misato.

“I did, I wanted him to find out the truth. I just didn’t think it would turn out that way”

“How did you think it was going to happen?! Not telling him about his brother and just letting him get involved with those men was never going to end well!” yelled Misato.

“His brother asked me not to tell him, it was his last wish. I was going to keep it, I owed him that much” glared Shinji.

“So you were just going to stay in this state of being afraid of our feelings towards us while just adding fuel to the fire by not saying because you didn’t want us to remember our old lives?” questioned Misato.

“Yes”

“You idiot”

Shinji laughed at that, “I guess so”

.

“So you moved on from me?” whispered Misato.

“I moved on from those feelings...but I never moved on from you, Misato. Why do you think I wore that necklace all the time? I wanted to remember you”

“Even after the way I treated you?”

“I wasn’t a saint either” mumbled Shinji “I made my choices”

“Yet, you still accepted this world?”

“Yes, I did. I rejected Instrumentality”

“Why?”

“So I could be human, so I could figure out my own path. Plus, I hoped that this would be the world where the loop would finally break” answered Shinji.

“How long?”

“I don’t remember, perhaps a century or maybe two. I don’t really want to remember that”

“Does it hurt?”

“In the beginning but I got used to it. The hallucinations aren't as bad as they used to be, the appearance of Moon is really the only thing that I can’t control”

“How did you find out?”

“I always knew but it was only bits and pieces, after Second Impact, I started to remember everything more clearly”

“Second Impact?”

“That was SEELE’s goal and it was what ended the war.”

“But I thought SEELE just gave up? That’s what the reports said”

“No, I wish it could’ve been that simple. It was-”

“Hold on!” declared a loud voice from behind them.

Shinji and Misato turned their heads to see Asuka, along with Kaji and Rei standing behind them. Asuka had her arms crossed in clear annoyment while Rei just started off into the distance and Kaji waved at Misato.

Misato ran up to Kaji, causing Pen-Pen to jump down from her arms and cuddle up against Kaji. The two hugged each other as Misato scolded him for disappearing without telling her where he was going which he quickly apologized for.

“We were looking for you!” said Asuka.

“I didn’t know that!” grumbled Shinji.

“That’s what you get for not being where you’re supposed to be!”

Shinji just rolled his eyes as Rei got closer to her two oldest friends.

“I’m guessing she dragged you along?” asked Shinj.

“Yes” answered Rei.

“So what were you doing out here?” asked Asuka.

“Just talking”

“So you were finally answering their questions?” wondered Asuka.

“I was working on it before you interrupted,” muttered Shinji.

“Well, I didn’t say to stop working on it!” smiled Asuka.

Shinji just gave her a glare and turned his gaze to Kaji and Misato, who were still hugging each other. Until, Kaji looked up towards Shinji and gave him an understanding look, one he hadn’t seen in a very long time.

“So...you were explaining things?” asked Kaji, not letting go of Misato.

“I suppose I was...did you read that file?” asked Shinji.

“No, I didn’t. I told you that I wanted to hear the answers from you” replied Kaji.

“I think he deserves it to hear it” said Asuka, “I think he would want you to tell him”

“I know...what do you want to know?” asked Shinji.

“I want to know the truth about my brother” declared Kaji.

“I met Hosho back when I was still a Captain, he was my assistant and went through some things in the military right along with me but you already know that part. After I had formed NERV, I asked him if he wanted to work with me to uncover some of what SEELE had been doing with their experiments and he agreed. But he took it a little too far, he had gotten involved with Fuyutsuki and the remnants of SEELE, when far too deep than he should have and...was killed. I didn’t know about what he was doing until it was far too late, if I had known back then he would still be alive today.”

“What exactly was he doing? What experiments?” asked Kaji.

Shinji’s gaze flickered over to Rei for a split second, then back to Kaji. Rei moved a little closer to Shinji and Asuka in an effort to sandwich between them.

“He wanted to fix...my condition. I guess he thought going straight to the source would somehow give him those answers.” answered Shinji.

“Or he wanted to make the memories easier to deal with..” whispered Asuka.

“To unlock the secrets of the Human Instrumentality Project” added Rei. 

“So...he was trying to help you?” wondered Misato.

“Yes” they answered.

“And he was killed for it…” muttered Kaji, his mind absorbing what was being told to him.

“I take full responsibility for it, I should’ve done better as his Commander” said Shinji.

Kaji started to chuckle to himself, “No...Once Hosho got his mind on something, there was no stopping him. You should know that, Shinji”

“Yeah...but I should’ve done better” smiled Shinji.

“I wish you’d told me sooner, things could’ve gone a lot smoother” Kaji smiled back.

Shinji didn’t say anything, he only smiled weakly at them. Rei grabbed Shinji’s hand from one of his pockets and lightly squeezed it.

“I’m sorry that I caused so much trouble” apologized Kaji. “I shouldn't have believed SEELE, it was foolish but I was just angry and wanted answers”

“I don’t blame you at all, I should’ve been more honest with you in the beginning. I’m glad that we’re talking about this” said Shinji.

“You said that he wanted to fix your condition, what does that mean?” Misato chimed in.

“You sure you want to answer that?” asked Asuka, looking at Shinji.

“They’ll find out soon, what about you, Rei? Can I tell them?” asked Shinji.

Rei nodded.

Shinji took a deep breath and lifted up his pant sleeve to remove a strange black bracelet wrapped around his ankle. He looked back up as his eyes turned from their familiar, calm navy blue eyes to a deep blood red that looked hauntly familiar to Rei and Kawrou’s. 

“I’m no longer human or not completely human, that might be a better way of saying it. Anyways, towards the end of the war, SEELE was able to kidnap me and Asuka, we don’t know the purpose for why they did it, but by the end of it I had turned into….a Angel, in a way. It’s something that I’m still trying to figure out.” explained Shinji.

“So that’s what you meant by saying you were the Project…” breathed Misato.

“Yes, I’m also an Angel” answered Rei.

“Along with Kaworu” added Shinji. 

“But how?” questioned Misato.

“We don’t really know, most of SEELE’s members have been killed or disappeared so even our own questions will be unanswered” said Shinji.

“Is that how your memories came back?” asked Misato.

“Yes..” 

“What’s it like being an Angel?”

“I don’t want to answer that, I’m sorry. It’s...hard for me to talk about” 

“I understand” smiled Misato.

.

.

“I think it’s time that you get some rest, tomorrow is when the Board comes to talk about what happens to you,” said Shinji.

“I’m sorry that we put you in this position, Shinji” whispered Kaji.

“It’s okay, things happen but I’m sure it’ll be fine” smiled Shinji. “So go get some rest”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji’s tapping foot echoed in the spacious office room, his anxiety levels were clearly rising by the minute. He was sitting across from Misato and Kaji at one of the three tables that formed almost a rectangle in the office room, one of his arms rested under the table as he held on to his husband’s hand, who was currently sitting next to him and reading over some paperwork.

“Shinji…” said Kaworu, cutting the tense silence.

“Yes?” asked Shinji not paying attention.

“You need to relax, no need to psyche them up” answered Kaworu glancing over at Kaji and Misato.

“I’m trying...they should’ve been here hours ago. It’s just like them to set up a time and not honor it, but when I do it I’m the irresponsible one!” muttered Shinji.

“They’ll get here when they get here” whispered Kaworu, trying to calm Shinji’s nerves.

“I know...” Shinji mumbled while continuing to tap his foot loudly along with checking his watch over and over. Kaworu took a deep breath and went back to reading the paperwork in front of him leaving the room in silence once more.

“Maybe the Board decided to let us get off scot free?” asked Misato hoping to lighten the mood.

“I wish” scoffed Shinji. “The Board just likes to make my life hell”

“Why?” asked Kaji.

Shinji and Kaworu looked at eachother, unsure how to respond.

“Reasons..” muttered Shinji.

“Because they don’t like ex-war criminals being in high positions” Kaworu said bluntly.

“Kaworu!” exclaimed Shinji.

“What? I thought you were going to answer their questions from now on?” wondered Kaworu.

“Yeah, but...I was gonna wait until after all this was over with” said Shinji.

“I see”

“Ex-war criminal?” questioned Misato.

Kaworu smiled, “Didn’t you know some of NERV’s employees were ex-SEELE members?”

“Really?!” said Kaji and Misato. “Why?!”

“Me and Shinji felt that we could achieve more and understand what SEELE was doing more clearly if we employed some of them. Fuyutsuki was one of them until he left, along with me and Rei.” explained Kaworu.

“You were with SEELE?” asked Kaji. “Then shouldn’t you know what SEELE was doing?”

“They never told me anything, I was just a pawn.” answered Kaworu “Along with Rei but she prefers not to talk about it”

“Oh...is that how you two met?” wondered Misato.

“Well, Shinji and I-” Shinji’s hand covered Kaworu’s mouth, stopping him from saying anything else.

Shinji’s cheeks blushed with a pink-ish hue, “How about we save that conversation for another day?”

Kaworu chuckled and grabbed Shinji’s hands, “Of course”

Kaji and Misato decided not to pursue any more questions, the couple in front of them clearly had a history that was close to them and they made sure to keep it private. It was nice to see that Shinji had finally found someone to share his isolated love with and that he seemed comfortable with the idea of marriage. 

_Once you’ve found your answers. I’ll be waiting for you. So come back quickly, okay?_

_Okay…_

Misato blinked away the resurfacing memories, something she had been doing a lot recently. 

_Why?_

_It’s simple, I promised you._

What exactly had been that promise? She remembered the basics of it but it still felt like she was missing something.

While Misato had been deep in thought, the door burst open behind them to show a panting and sweaty Asuka leaning against the doorway.

“Asuka?” asked Shinji.

“It’s her! She’s here!” breathed out Asuka.

Shinji gave her a confused look until realization hit him like a train in which his eyes widened as he got up from his seat. Kaworu also had the same realization hit him at the same time as he got up as well to follow Shinji.

“Who?” said Kaji at loud.

Shinji and Kaworu were already out into the hallway at that point, Kaji and Misato also got up from their seats to see the presence that had such a hold over their commanding officers. As the two looked down the hallway, they saw a woman with glasses, long brown hair tied up into twin-tails and dressed in a formal business suit along with a skirt. 

“Damn it..” muttered Shinji.

“Hello! It’s nice to see you again, puppy boy!” waved the woman in a sing-song voice.

“Please kill me…” whispered Shinji.

“Good luck, I’m getting out of here!” said Asuka as she quickly left the hallway.

The woman had finally reached where Shinji was standing uncomfortably and gave him a smug smile as Shinji muttered, “Hey, Mari”

“Mari?” whispered Misato in Kaworu’s ear.

“Mari Makinami Illustrious, the one who allowed NERV to even become a reality” murmured Kawaoru. 

“I think I remember her...does she remember anything?” asked Misato.

“Of course, I do. Major Katsuragi, why do you think I allowed NERV to happen?” smiled Mari looking straight at them.

“Ummm…” stumbled Misato.

“It’s alright, if you don’t know me as that doesn’t really matter at the moment.” said Mari.

“Then why are you here?” asked Shinji with his arms crossed against his chest.

“Can’t I come see an old friend?” 

“No” said Shinji bluntly.

“Fine! I bailed out your troublesome friends, so now you owe me something!” answered Mari.

“How did you-” started Shinji.

“I have my ways, honestly you should come for my help more often” 

“It usually backfired when I did..”

“Not all the time…” whispered Mari, hinting at a different meaning.

“Whatever, what do I owe you?” questioned Shinji.

“Hmmm, I want to know everything that they know, especially what they know about SEELE. Perhaps they could give us more information on what happened to Fuyutsuki.” explained Mari.

“Fuyutsuki has been...dealt with” muttered Shinji.

“Really? In what way?” asked Mari.

Shinji looked over at Kaji and Misato, “He disappeared...we couldn’t find him”

“I see, well he’ll turn up eventually I suppose” Mari gave Shinji a knowing look.

Soon enough, Shinji let Mari talk to Kaji and Misato about the things they had experienced the disastrous results it had produced but along with the clarity of knowing that there were others around to help them get through it. Eventually, Mari left, leaving Shinji to let out a sigh of relief and ran off to relieve his stress, at one point Kaji and Misato were finally let out of the hospital to go back to their somewhat normal lives as the days turned into weeks, Kaji and Misato’s resurfacing memories started to level out as it became easier to shift through the new and old memories. 

.

.

.

Misato opened the door to the small office room that housed Shinji’s workplace and walked in to see Shinji with his hand ruffling through his hair in frustration and a cup of coffee in his other hand. 

“Hey, Captain Aya-I mean Ikari wanted me to bring you these papers” smiled Misato.

Shinji looked up and smiled back, “Thank you, I’ll read them in a minute. How are you? Adjusting to your new normal more?”

“It’s getting easier, but I have days,” answered Misato.

“Those days will get far and few behind, just give it time” smiled Shinji “I’ll let you get back to work”

“Yeah..” Misato trailed off as she looked at Shinji and felt her pocket for the white cross that remained there.

“Is everything okay?” asked Shinji.

“Yeah! Just lost in thought, I’ll see you! “Okay…”

Misato got to the door before she stopped just shy of opening it, her hand rested on the doorknob. Shinji gave her a worried look as she stood in the doorway until she turned around and held out her hand motioning for Shinji to give her his hand which he silently obliged.

She took out the white cross and put in his hands, then closed his fingers around the cross and whispered, 

“I remember the promise”

Shinji gulped nervously.

“I think you should keep it”

“I-”

Misato shushed him and simply said “I love you”

.

.

“I love you too.”


End file.
